Cancer, I Bid You Adieu

Posted on December 22, 2015 by badboobandshit under bad boob, badboob, beer, benefit, biopsy,Breast Cancer, breast reduction, breath, breathe, Cancer, cancer is a whore, christmas, concern,double mastectomy, early detection, emotions, feel yourself, friends, friendship, fuck cancer,generosity, gift, grief, guilt, happiness, health, holidays, hope, hospital, life, love, mammogram,mastectomy, menstruation, mindfuck, nervous, parenting, plastic surgeon, post op, raw, real life, recovery

Today is the day a a part of my body, shit, two parts of my body will be sacrificed to motherfucking cancer; you nasty day time hooker-fucking cancer.

I’ve written it before and I’m going to say it again: If I did not know I had cancer, I wouldn’t know. How fucking bizarre it that? I don’t feel off or any dif really other than that fact I’ve gained some pounds, some neck pain & my boobs hurt-getting close to cycle time again kids. Shit, I’d think the holiday madness is finally catching up to me. Fuck me. Cancer. Fuck that. I’m fortunate in the fact I caught this breast cancer so early. I’m fortunate in the fact my family is planted firmed by my side. I’m fortunate in the fact that I’ll some of the best cancer doctors in Raleigh performing my mastectomy. Fuck~~~I know it’s happening in a few hours, but goddammit, ya know??

I’m to be at the hospital 1:30 pm and get prepped. Surgery should begin at 3:30 & take about 3.5 hours [including the reconstruction portion], then two in recovery.

Relief can’t even begin to describe my feelings. I will be cancer free this evening. Ya know feeling cancerous tumors grow within your body over the course of the past 41 days is a huge mindfuck. I’ve been plagued with phantom pains–is it the cancer? Fuck if I know. How long were those whore lumps hanging out till I caught one?  My mind is telling me yes. My mind has been very naughty this past month. Freaking me out and shit. I’ve never been a depressed person because I know shit happens. I imagine this may fuck with my psyche a mo.

You men and women who have been before me and stood [what appeared] so brave, I applaud you. I would have liked to have been brave and shit~~blubbered mess I am.

I know this particular nightmare is over….Fuck, I don’t want to see what our next journey is….Let’s imagine warm sandy beaches at sunset with fun floppy hats and fruity drinks, shall we?

I feel all your guyz’s love, prayers, well-wishes, juju-every single fucking ounce is swimming in my heart. Making me weep again. The amount of support everyone has shown has been tremendous. Thank you. Every single one of you beautiful motherfuckers.