FACT: SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVITY AN UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
FACT: NOT EVERYONE WILL BE ON YOUR SIDE
FACT: YOUR FEELINGS MATTER
FACT: YOUR THOUGHTS ARE VALID
FACT: DON’T FEEL ASHAMED, FOR ANY OF THIS
FACT: THERE WILL BE PARTS OF YOUR BODY THAT REMAIN PAINFULLY NUMB
FACT: NO AMOUNT OF GOOGLE RESEARCH CAN PREPARE YOU FOR ANY OF THE SHIT THAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOUR BODY AND MIND.
FACT: DON’T SHUT YOUR LOVED ONES OUT.
FACT: DON’T GET OFFENDED WHEN LOVED ONES SEEM INTENSIVE TO YOUR NEEDS OR YOUR THOUGHTS, DON’T FULLY UNDERSTAND; AND PROBABLY NEVER WILL.
FACT: JOURNALING HELPS
FACT: THERE IS SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS WHERE YOU ARE, WHERE YOU’RE GOING, AND THEY ARE WILLING TO TALK TO YOU. MANY SURVIVORS BECOME ADVOCATES AFTER THEIR FIGHT, THEY ARE WAITING FOR YOU TO TAP THEIR CONSCIOUS WITH YOUR STORY AND TOUCH YOUR HEART WITH THEIR COMPASSION.
What cancer does to the human race is infuckinhumane. Fucking shit needs to stop, like now. So many kids with cancer, seriously? So many new cancer diagnosis’s. Souls taken away from us. It’s all too much…..this is when my mind goes into the dark, and dwells.
I’m working on improving my mind. Ya know what? When you keep replaying events in your head like a loop, it slowly takes you into a dark place. Obv, if given the opportunity to go through breast cancer now, I’d change a fuckton of things I did/said. Some of that shit still haunts me now. I’d also expected different behaviors from certain folks as they probably expected different from me. But ya know what, I expected different from them as well…..breast cancer, chemo, treatment, recovery…..all that shit wreaks havoc……but alas, I can only change my ways and my self. I’m so not the woman I was when diagnosed with breast cancer some 602 days ago. Fuck, I’m not even the same woman I was a few months ago. Life goes on……
A year ago I was still suffering with the pain of my breast tissue expanders, crazy chemo port [it was always angry. skin always red and irritated]. So many doctor visits. Pokes. Questions. Fuck the questions. Always the same shit for all the nurses then regurgitate for the doctors…..I couldn’t even think straight, but knew my dates meds and shit like that, didn’t know what I was. Didn’t feel human. None of the shit happening to me, my family was humane. Not one fucking bit.
Anyhoo, here I sit.
Getting active in various programs, Getting invited to speak about my experience. Me!? They want me to talk about my experience. With fucking breast cancer. For all the times during my journey that others were uncomfortable with my story telling styles and openness with what I went through— well yeah— discovering what type of advocacy work I like and would like to pursue further. Talking with friends.Talking, being the key. You can’t keep that shit in. Thanking you all for all your help and support during my bout with breast cancer. Listening to my friends that are terminal, learning so much from them and their strength. Talking with those newly diagnosed. Laughing with warriors over all the inappropriate shit we’ve gone through and continue to go through on a daily basis….we need to….just to get by. Others won’t understand. It’s when you stop trying to get others to ‘get you’ will you be able to feel free…..something I’m still learning after the fact……