Look Mom, A Girl With No Hair.....

Posted on June 26, 2016 by badboobandshit under alopecia, ativan, bad boob, badboob, benefit,bilateral mastectomy, bills, biopsy, blog, boobs, bravery, brca2, Breast Cancer, breast cancer awareness, breath, breathe, Cancer, cancer free, cancer is a whore, cbc, celexia, chemo, chemo port, concern, double mastectomy, drain bulb, early detection, emotions, environmental,exchange surgery, expanders, facts of life, feel yourself, fighter, finances, fml, freaking out,friends, friendship, fuck cancer, fuck you, generosity, gift, grief, guilt, hair loss, happiness,health, hero, heroic, holidays, hope, hormone replacement therapy, hospital, hysterectomy,implants, Invasive ductile carcinoma, invasive lobular carcinoma, journey, kicking cancers ass,life, life changing, life sucks, love, mammogram, mark up, mastectomy, menstruation,mindfuck, motivation, nerves, nervous, New Year, nipples, Oncotype DX, parenting, period,plastic surgeon, post op, power port, proceeds, raw, real life, recovery, scared, smile, snoopy,spirit, strength, strong, suck it cancer, surgeon, surgery, survivor, suture, tamoxifen, testing,titanium marker, tits, tumors, Uncategorized, viral, warrior, weight

YES HONEY I SEE THAT. SHE HAS CANCER, THE MOM REPLIED.  WHENHEN PEOPLE HAVE CANCER, THEY HAVE TO GO THROUGH CHEMOTHERAPY.  AND WITH CHEMO SWEETIE, THEY GET REALLY SICK AND MOST LOSE THEIR HAIR LIKE THAT GIRL….AW, SHUCKS….42 AND THEY ARE CALLING ME A GIRL….THANKS FOR MAKING MY DAY SWEET MOM AT TARGET FOR EXPLAINING TO YOUR LITTLE GIRL ABOUT CANCER AND FOR THINKING I WAS A KID.

My incisions are fucking frowning at me. Why is this so? Seriously, at the incision site, the lines are rounded down in a frownward motion. Are they mad at me for having doctors mutilate and hack at them? They do not like the breast muscle tissue expander either. Do all post mastecto chests frown? Or is is just mine? This is serious shit, I need answers.

Stretch marks from the breast tissue expansion. Weird. Why is this so? I had so much skin to work with [hello, NatGeo]….only to cut, toss in trash [bye bye nipples] and begin stretching my skin again.

WHERE HAVE MY NIPPLES GONE?

WHAT BARGE ARE THEY DECAYING ON?

I have totally faith in the plastic surgeon’s ability….but damn….you really do need to be a patient patient for the good shit to happen and my chest muscles to finish expanding. As much as I hate the discomfort from the expanders, I’m glad I have a competent surgeon….hopefully I’ll have two, not three or four boobs when he is done. I’m ready to be able to feel my arms, chest, under arm & side boob again. Shit’s still numb & sore. It’s a surreal experience showering and not knowing if I’m really washing my body. Let’s not forget the goddamned power port making my life even more miserable. Blah blah blah….bitch bitch bitch….Not necessarily bitching….Just telling my story as I see it….
Will implants frown or smile? I hope like fuck those bitches will be smiling. I know I will be. As the surgery is one of the last steps in my breast cancer journey. In just 21 days, the plastic surgeon will work his magic sculpting my new boobs!! I must say, I am pretty fucking excited to have the reduction I’ve always wanted. My excitement is growing everyday.

I will be entering the autumn of my life with kick ass cancer free tits! If I choose nipples, there will be one more procedure with him. But, I’ve already begun thinking of a beautiful post-masecto piece- pretty sure that’s the route I’ll be going.

How much do the expanders weigh now? His much will the implants weigh? Well I googled that shit and right now the expanders are adding a little over two pounds to my frame.

My hair growth is going well, considering I was  more or less hairless a little over a month ago. I received my last chemo infusion 38 days ago. You can tell by this picture, just how much hair has actually grown in. I’m such a lovely vision of beauty. [snort….sarcastic eye roll inserted here] I’m still a hot fucking mess….I know with surgery less than a month a way, I’ll be a bigger, hotter mess. Ha, with my mastectomy, I was concerned because I had to completely disrobe prior to surgery, I was worried about the baby-slide.  So I shaved and got razor rash…..grrr….anyhoo….I’m not going to stress about the meat curtains as the surgeon is removing all baby making materials….
Still hard to fathom that 230 days ago Mr. Badboob and I received life altering news. The in-laws happened to be visiting us that day. So glad to have had all the love, support & shoulders to lean on from day one. Two hundred and thirty fucking days ago….goddammit. The online support has been more than tremendous. Each day I feel I get a little closer to some of you. The girl power is strong in my group of friends. We are carefully building each other up, to ensure we become the best possible in this fucked up world.

From my misty eyes to yours. Make it a good one.

And for fucks sake, feel yourself ladies. Have your man feel your boobs. Men, you can get breast cancer too….check yourselves.

https://badboob.wordpress.com/2016/06/26/look-mom-a-girl-with-no-hair/

18 Days Till Last Chenmo

18 DAYS TIL THE LAST CHEMO INFUSION

Posted on May 2, 2016 by badboobandshit under alopecia, badboob, benefit, bilateral mastectomy, bills, biopsy, blog, bravery, brca2, Breast Cancer, breast cancer awareness, breast reduction, breath, breathe, Cancer, cancer, cancer free, cancer is a whore, cbc, celexia, chemo,chemo port, concern, depression, double mastectomy, drain bulb, early detection, emotions,environmental, exchange surgery, expanders, facts of life, feel yourself, fighter, finances, fml,freaking out, friends, friendship, fuck cancer, fuck you, generosity, gift, grief, guilt, hair loss,happiness, health, hero, holidays, hope, hormone replacement therapy, hospital, hysterectomy,implants, Invasive ductile carcinoma, invasive lobular carcinoma, journey, kicking cancers ass,life, life changing, life sucks, love, mammogram, mark up, mastectomy, mindfuck, motivation,nerves, nervous, nipples, Oncotype DX, peen, plastic surgeon, post op, power port, presents,proceeds, raw, real life, recovery, sacred, scared, smile, snoopy, spirit, strength, strong, suck it cancer, surgeon, surgery, survivor, suture, tamoxifen, testing, titanium marker, tits, tumors,Uncategorized, viral, warrior, weight, xanax

Whoofuckinhoo! Know what that means fuckers? I can see the finish line!! I am stronger than breast cancer. I will kick this bitch to the curb and not look back….

If I can make it past this week….You know the feeling of the flu? The flu that feels like you’ll die with every step & breathe? Every bone & joint aches and if you’re lucky enough to get a stomach virus atop the flu?….Welp, that’s how I feel currently.

The feeling where you’re sitting on the toilet with trash can on your lap….Not sure which end you will spew toxic waste, but knowing it will happen….soon….

I’ve never been on a cruise, but I can only imagine what it feels like to be seasick…..As, I’ve felt seasick since Saturday. Nothing is released in over 20 minutes [still toilet side] and the mo you get up to stretch your legs & whatnot, that’s when the magic happens kids….fuck you chemo.…I hear my baboo calling for me….fuck you chemo….my bowels feel as if they’ve been squeezed clean….fuck you cancer….You will have constipation they say.

Anyhoo, looking ahead, 77 days, I’m scheduled for the new tit exchange surgery and hysterectomy; same day. I’m not sure if I’ll be staying the night. Both surgeries are out-patient. Reason for the hysterectomy was my brca2 mutative positive~~lucky me!! Being brca2 positive means my chances for ovarian and cervical cancers are increased….time to close up shop….another abandoned playground. I’ve done the research. Having both procedures should put me down close to 2 weeks, hence the dates on the meal list. I was trying to be proactive to get those dates lined up for all those lovely badboob supporters. Having both procedures same day, means one recovery….If all goes well [and fuck me, I’m sure I’ll encounter a challenge or six] I should be healed and well with a but of hair growth by the time sweet baboo starts Kindergarten in August.

WELL MOTHERFUCK. DON’T YOU JUST HATE SPENDING TIME ON A PROJECT ONLY TO NOT HAVE THE FUCKER SAVE. AND NOW YOU MUST REDO. AND YOU DON’T KEEP NOTES. SO THIS POST BLOG WILL BE NOTHING LIKE THE ONE I CONSTRUCTED YESTERDAY. SUCH IS LIFE.

I had chemo infusion number five Friday the 29th. Earlier in the week, sweet baboo and I picked the sweetest most delicious strawberries, came home & made smoothies~yum. I was ‘bulking’ up on C and antioxidants from the berries.

  I sit here knowing the nausea I feel this morning will be nothing compared to what I’ll be feeling shortly. 

I sit here knowing my body is about to explode. In a gnarly ass way. 

On an insistence from a friend, I’ve created the Badboob Chemo Food Amazon Wishlist. I by no means expect anyone of you to get me anything….but so, so many of you have asked how you can help comfort me. I know the feeling….Knowing a friend is suffering, but you can’t physically console, so we purchase stuff in attempts to perk up said friend….It is working guys. Every well wish, message, text, of support helps to carry me along further….Thank you so very much.  The wishlist contains gift cards to restaurants [to be used with Take Them A Meal], medical goodies for surgery in July, blah blah & shit like that. But you guys!

You guys are ordering and sending us goodies, prezzies & surprises. Not gonna lie, feel like total ass, chemo is fucking brutal [how many times have I said that, probably every blog since receiving chemo]. But knowing I’ve so many out there rooting for me and the whole badboob family….no words….lots of big sloppy emotional chemo induced tears….I will forever be grateful to everyone who has shown supoort and compassion during my breast cancer jaunt.

I will seriously never be able to give a proper thank you to all you beautiful people walking this journey with me. I’m so flabbergasted that you guys feel touched enough to reach out, truly humbling. Friends. Old. New. You’re all fanfuckintastic.

From my toilet to yours make it a good one kids.

THERE ARE MORE THAN 100 TYPES OF CANCER

Posted on April 25, 2016 by badboobandshit under alopecia, bad boob, badboob, benefit,bilateral mastectomy, bills, biopsy, blog, bravery, brca2, Breast Cancer, breast cancer awareness, breast reduction, breath, breathe, Cancer, cancer free, cancer is a whore, cbc, celexia,chemo, chemo cold caps, chemo port, chemotherapy, concern, depression, double mastectomy,drain bulb, early detection, emotions, environmental, exchange surgery, expanders, fabreeze,facts of life, family, feel yourself, fighter, fml, freaking out, friends, friendship, fuck cancer, fuck you, generosity, gift, grief, guilt, hair loss, happiness, health, hero, holidays, hope, hormone replacement therapy, hospital, hysterectomy, implants, Invasive ductile carcinoma, invasive lobular carcinoma, journey, kicking cancers ass, life, life changing, life sucks, love, lysol,mammogram, mark up, mastectomy, menstruation, mindfuck, motivation, nerves, nervous,nipples, Oncotype DX, parenting, party, peen, period, plastic surgeon, post op, power port,presents, proceeds, raw, real life, recovery, sacred, scared, smile, snoopy, spirit, strength, strong,suck it cancer, surgeon, surgery, survivor, suture, tamoxifen, testing, titanium marker, tits,tumors, Uncategorized, viral, warrior

Two types developed in my tit. My motherfucking tit. Fucking breast cancers.

HOW BAD IS IT THAT I COULD NOT REMEMBER WHEN LAST I SHOWERED? IT WAS SOMETIME LAST WEEK. BUT WHEN? WHAT DAY?

But I am using Piperwai. My pits smell so nice. This week was a good week. My energy was back, well sort of.

And did you know there are people out there who will kick the living shit out of you when you are down because they are angry at the world and you seem like an easy target being all weak and shit….Well guess what fuckers? Kick those goddamned toxic people out of your life….Now…. Don’t wait till you want to cunt punch a bitch, just get rid of them now. Go ahead…..I’ll wait here….Get rid of those toxic bastards now….Ain’t no one got time for their piddly ass games….We’ve got cancer to beat and shit!

WE AS A SPECIES ARE DUMB FUCKS.  

WE DO SHIT.

WE FUCK UP SHIT.

WE REPEAT THAT SHIT

WILL WE AS HUMANS, EVERY LEARN TO PLAY NICE?

I HIGHLY DOUBT THIS.

So, it’s kind of a good thing chemotherapy has rendered me almost hairless [sarcastic emoticon here]. My arms are such an odd smooth. Plus, having these expanders filled to fucking monstrous proportions make it difficult to reach the pits….Boom….hair silently falls out….freeing time in the shower…. and not fearing I’ll fall over and accidentally Zorro slice my fake tits off….Hey it could happen…..If you were with me on FB years back, you may recall I Zorro’ed my ass-cheek pretty goddamned good.  Had a pretty gnarly scar there too. My eyebrows & lashes are barely hanging on, mascara pretty’s the lashes a lot. Interestingly enough the majority of my head follicles have fallen, but not all & there is new growth trying to happen up there. I know it won’t stick till after last infusion on May 20. It’s tough to look in the mirror and know this is my life at the mo. It’s all temporary, they say. Any collateral effects from chemo can be corrected, they say.

Items I’ve saved on past 78 days since beginning the chemotherapy infusions include but are not limited to: Shampoo, conditioner, hair styling aids of any sort, razors (and we know how expensive those fucker are), bobby pins, straightener, hair color, and I’m sure there’s more shit but chemo brain in in overdrive this week and my brain is not using all it’s cells.

When’s the last time you’ve really felt your boobs ladies? Check all those sweet mounds of joy, regularly. Seriously girls had I not known my boobs so well, that lump I first felt 167 days ago could still be growing in me. Imagine the havoc those two fast growing invasive breast cancers would have done to my body….

AS IT WAS, I GOT OFF LUCKY, I STILL HAVE MY LIFE SANS BOOBS.

So it’s off with tits [125 days ago] to remove the cancers. As you may recall, I chose immediate reconstruction so in went the expanders. Some days I feel they look pretty good, and other days (most) I feel like a fucking freak. The expanders are nice enough boob shaped, but they also ride into my pits[like a balloon or a ball], and not at all round on the bottom….Oh new tit exchange how I await you….74 more days and I will be closing the breast cancer chapter of my life. Almost my entirety of 42~ again this story is not told to you for pity, it’s part of the journey.

The plastic surgeon will be removing my power port when he installs the implants. An out patient procedure, he says. Though I have found websites that make jewelryout of the power ports. I think that’s a smashing idea and if I get to keep my port, it will be fashioned into some sort of kick as piece of jewelry.

And thank fuck! I can not wait to get this port of my fucking chest. The port has seriously bothered me every day since it’s installation. It always burns as if it’s trying to scratch it’s way out of my chest. Just two more chemo infusions….I can do this shit….I can and will continue….Not gonna lie, thought it’d take me down for the count a few times. You feel as though you are spiraling into a delirium, or I did at least.

Oh and yay, guess what? I tested positive on the BRCA2 mutation. So that means the playground is closing shop; about damn time. I’m so over my monthly’s. Hopefully with the equipment gone & my estrogen positive receptors, the hormones will cease to rage…the acne will stop. At 42, I had to call my oncologist for another script of doxycycline this week~for fuck sake, my face is broken out like crazy.It’s temporary, they say. Fucking pimple fuckers. Causing pain, when I want to smile. Causing pain if I accidentally touch one of them….I’ve been breaking out since I was 9, I’m seriously over it by this point in my life. Fortunately I’ve not developed neurapathy. Neurapathy is a common side effect, they say.

The sun is shining. Get off your ass and get outside now. Explore some shit with your own sweet baboo. Or have a mission. 5 year olds are mission having motherfuckers. xx

https://badboob.wordpress.com/2016/04/25/there-are-more-than-100-types-of-cancer/